Hey Everyone,
I Just thought I would share another blog giving you all a reflection of my life it's been almost 6 months since I left home at times it all feels like a dream sometimes a bad one but for the most part a really awesome one. There is so much to be thankful for so much change in me so much joy in my heart for what the lord has done in me and where I am . I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner 4 days to be exact! So much has happened it's hard to explain in words just how I feel and just what is going on in my head as I sit here tonight and just want to cry I am not the same person I was 6 months ago. I lived in my own little world and everything was perfect or if not I pertended it was I didn't want to face reality I didn't want help I was to proud to relize that I was going through the motions and slowing dying while I pertended I was ok and everything else around me was Honestly I was falling apart I was going know where living my life without a purpose until 6 months ago when I moved to Costa Rica and my world was shaken and turned upside down where all my comforts where pulled out from under my feet where everyone i knew was no longer with me. I was stripped of all comforts and I had to fully rely on God and only him for my strength to get my through it as I applied for the Children At Risk school had I known fully what it was going to be like I may not have done it but because I went in blind folded knowing I wanted and was called to workd with children I went and stepped out in faith as I would sit in class week after week and watch the videos and do the research I honestly felt like I was putting myself through torture the whole time and i wasn't sure why every week i would reflect on the week gone by and wonder why I am here why am I putting myself through so much pain is it worth it is there a pupose behind all this I knew God had called me there so I never gave up and i started out strong and wanted to finsh strong through many talks and prayer with friends and leaders God gave me the strength to finshed stronger then I started and when I got done I knew why I had done the school. I wanted to work with children and the harder the case the better. I moved to Jaco 2 days after graduation and well ministry started right away it took some time to adapt to a differnt life style after living at a YWAM base for 3 months having your schedual planned out for you was nice but moving to Jaco started real life where I needed to set my schedual or so I thought I am not a schedal person anyways I go with the flow thats how I work and that is how it is here my life is all about relationships building,loving, and just being a friend . As it has almost been 3 months of full time ministry I have loved every minute of it I never know what will happen how my day will start or end and thats ok with me I am all about adventure and flexibilitie. It amazing me how even though I am not at all a leader well I have kinda had to step up and be one here in this ministry as the questions are ask and know one but me is around to answer them . Living on the ministry property has been a blessing and I won't trade it for anything I never know at what hour someone will call my name at the gate and wants something it's not like ok ministry is over at 6 pm sharp and starts at 2 pm no ministry here is on going yes ramp hours are 2-6 but that doesn't mean anything when kids are at the gate at 1:15 or before you can't just turn them away and say it's not 2 yet they have walked acrossed a highway to get here or farther in some cases. When I asked God to break my heart for what breaks his I didn't know at first what I was asking or how it would feel and let me tell you it's painful but so worth it when I asked God for more love for these children and youth he answered and i never new i could have so much love for all of them and funny as it may sound the harder the case of the child or youth those are the ones I am the closest with when you ask God for something don't be surprise when he answers your prayer and how he does. before coming here i never know I was intrested in working with youth but the more I do it the more I love it it's a chanllenge but also a joy. I live my life for the lord and to serve others and through just being a friend and helping out someone that brings me more joy then I could have ever imagined I feel like a mom to all of them as I can't count the times I have fed all of the youth when they all come over for a Sunday afternoon or whenever and they tell me they are how can I refused and as greatful as they are for it I won't stop. Today as I sat in ramp ministry watching as the little boys played with eachother with the nerf guns and while the older ones just chatting 2 of the boys are youth that come reguarly and are apart my church and youth group here and are my friends we hang out alot and one just comes around sometimes they they were telling the one who just comes around sometimes about the differnet people who have helped out with the ministry and how they were, they were saying how none of the rest ever fed them or anything and that all they have to say to me is that they are hungry and I feed them one of the boys was over on Sunday eating lunch and we made mini pizzas it was fun to watch the creativity come out in each one and he was telling the other boys about it and just praising me to them and it was just such a joy to me to know that they truly do appreciate all I do that they are willing to sit and talk about it to someone else. Trust me doing this is a gift that can only come from God and I have often wonder why God choose me to do it where I can see a need and help them out when others might see the same thing and not do anything about it people tell me it's a gift and not just anyone could do it, it takes a special person to do what I am doing. Everday my heart continues to be broken for the needs that Jaco faces and the thought makes me never want to leave I am thankful for the challenges God has placed in my life for bringing me to this place for allowing me to go through all the pain torture and bringing me to my lowest so I can see the needs other face so I can no longer shut my eyes and pertend the word is perfect we live in a messed up place the needs are never ending and through Christ we can make a difference I am willing and thankful to be the hands and feet for Jesus to leave my own selffish desires behind and focuse on what really matters and that is people all the things in life will pass and only what we do for Christ will count in the end lets be soul winners lets stop standing around pertending that everything is great. People need help yea we might have our own issues but when we help others it seems our issues don't seem so bad when we look at what others face we may not have the fancy things in life like the newest car or the iphone 4 but if you have a bed and a roof over your head you are blessed some people don't have that if you have a draw full of clothes u are blessed if u have parents that care for you and are there for you and will do anything for you you are truly blessed some kids have none of this they wander the streets at night hoping to find some little shelter out of the rain and as they sleep on the streets they find a pizza box cover out of the trash to put over there faces to stop some of the rain from hitting them they never know what they will eat or how they will survive or where they will sleep the nexts night if they do at all they are scared and because being scared is a form of weakness they don't show it instead they harden themself to the point where they have no feelings where they want help but don't want to ask because that is a sign of weakness as well they have to be strong because they have knowone else. They beg for their food and money ,it's truly a sad issue we are faced with and then we sit and complain because we didn't get the newest outfit or whatever it might be. It's Christmas time and the normal thing to do is to make out our wishlist. These kids only wish is for a home a loving place where they don't have to worry about what will happen nexts.I know these are some deep topics but this is my life and what I face daily children not getting to be children. So as 2011 comes to a close please during this Chirstmas season remember to pray for the children all over the world who won't be getting a christmas remember to especially pray for the Children here in Jaco the ones we work with daily they are some tough case but nothing is impossible with God .Please remember before you eat your Christmas meal to give thanks for it because there will be children who will not have the privillege of eating that day, as you sit around with all your family remember to pray for the ones who won't be the ones who have no family at all, as you open your present make sure to thank the giver and God for it because there will be children who will not be getting that oppertuntiy. I hope this gives you just an idea of what I have been thinking about and faced with day after day and what I am doing. This ministry that I am helping with is like none other before it's unique and God has blessed me with the oppertunity to help out and be of service for his kingdom in giving me so many friends to help out with and to just spill love on them everyday even though I know they can't give me anything inreturn. I pray you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
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